We become stressed when we feel we cannot meet the demands in our lives. Both from the outside and from the inside. This article gives you 3 tips to identify and remove the demands that are pressuring you, so you can have more energy in your everyday life.
Psykolog, specialiseret i pædagogisk psykologi og formidling.
Psychologist, specialized in educational psychology and communication.
What it takes for each of us to become stressed varies. What makes me stressed is not necessarily what makes you stressed. And what stresses you might not stress your colleague or your employee.
What makes us stressed varies. <hl>What we have in common is that we get stressed when we feel we are not living up to demands and expectations in our lives.<hl>
We can divide our demands into external and internal demands.
External demands are the obligations and expectations that come from outside of ourselves. These include demands at work, such as deadlines, work tasks and customer contact. It also applies to demands in your private life, such as becoming a parent, if you are in the middle of a divorce or if you have a sick family member.
Inner demands are the expectations you have of yourself. You may be an ambitious career person and therefore expect to invest a lot of your time in your work. At the same time, you may have an expectation to be a thoughtful lover, a caring parent and to get out for a run several times a week.
It is common to have many demands both at work and at home. In fact, it's healthy. <hl>Appropriate demands and expectations help create a framework for you to develop as a person.<hl> Without expectations from your workplace, you would not be able to develop professionally, just as your personal ambitions help shape and drive you as a person.
It is only if you find that you cannot meet the demands that it becomes unhealthy.
When there are more demands on you than you can meet, you start to feel overwhelmed. This can be both physical, where you feel more tired and unwell than you usually do, and mental, where you find it harder to concentrate and lose track more easily.
If you've experienced any of these signs recently, it might be because you're out of balance. <hl>To get back into balance, you need to remove some of the demands on yourself. <hl>
And how do you remove demands? Keep reading and learn how.
The first thing you need to do is find out what demands are particularly draining. Once you've worked out what those demands are, you'll know what to eliminate to get back into balance.
Here are 3 tips for eliminating unnecessary demands:
If you feel that the demands at work are getting to you, consider talking to your manager. This is true whether you are an employee, a middle manager or a manager. For example, if you've noticed that you're under particular pressure when ad hoc tasks come up, talk to your manager about it. Or if it's the volume of meetings that's putting you under pressure, talk to your manager about it. You are not expected to have a solution. <hl>The reason you talk to your manager about it is precisely so that together you can find the right solution for your situation.<hl>
To get the most out of your conversation with your manager, it's a good idea to think about a few things beforehand. To prepare for the conversation, it may help to ask yourself these three questions:
1. What is it about work that particularly pressures me and what stressors do I experience?
2. How long has it been going on?
3. Do I have any suggestions for solutions?
As mentioned, it is not expected of you to come up with solutions yourself. At the same time, it is a good idea to consider what may work for, as that will give you a better starting point for finding the right solution once you have the conversation with your manager.
When we are under pressure or stress, it is often because we have too many things on our minds. We've become too good at saying yes and too bad at saying no. Therefore, one way to remove some of the demands on you is to practice saying 'no'.
And how do you decide what to say no to?
You do that by asking yourself: <hl>What gives me energy and what takes energy away from me?<hl>
It's not always easy to say no. Maybe you're afraid of disappointing? Or maybe you don't say it because you don't know how to say it the right way.
If this is the case, use this conversation guide to help you say no in a constructive and respectful way:
1. Appreciate and acknowledge
2. Say no and explain
3. Offer what you can
For example, if it's the job of volunteer football coach that you need to say no to, then you can say:
1) I have really enjoyed being part of the club in the time I have been here. 2) At this time, however, I have so many things on my plate at work and at home that I need to step down. 3) As it stands, I can't say if I'll be ready to be a part of the club again. If I become ready, then I will definitely consider joining again.
By expressing your appreciation and being honest and clear about your situation, you will ensure that you have managed to say no in a good way.
Of course, there are always some things that you have to do. If you have young children, you can't just say no because you don't think it's the most enjoyable thing to pick them up from kindergarten. But you can say no to other things in your life, even though you might feel you should do them.
For example, if volunteering as a football coach is draining you, this is where you should consider saying no. Or if you feel that going to book club every Wednesday has become a burden, this is where you should consider saying no.
If it's your expectations of yourself - your inner demands - that are taking over, ask yourself this question: <hl>What do I want to stand for?<hl>
Once you know what you want to stand for, you can decide which inner demands matter to you and which you can cut.
For example, if you have an expectation of yourself that you should exercise several times a week, ask yourself: Why do I have this expectation? Is it because health is an important value for me or is it because all my friends exercise and therefore I think I should too?
Or if you have an expectation of yourself that you should follow politics, ask yourself: Why is it important for me to follow politics? If it's because one of your values is to be an informed citizen, then it makes sense to stay engaged. If, on the other hand, it is because you feel pressure from society or from those around you, but really see it as a burden yourself, then you need to consider whether it is a requirement worth meeting.
If you are not clear about what you want to stand for, you may risk turning external demands from society or your peers into internal expectations. Instead of listening to what is important to you, you take in the expectations of others and make them your own. <hl>Therefore, becoming aware of what you want to stand for helps you focus on the important things in your life and cut out unnecessary expectations of yourself.<hl>
If you are under pressure or stress, it may be because you don't feel you are living up to demands and expectations in your life. When this happens, consider what demands you can eliminate. This article has given you advice on how to eliminate unnecessary demands by 1) talking to your manager, 2) learning to say no and 3) getting clear about what you want to stand for.
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